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Podcast: 1:22 - Preparing for the worst day of Your life. Navigate Kids Through the Separation

One of the worst days in our lives was telling our kids we were getting divorced. Turns out it is also the worst day in the lives of our kids too. In this episode, we discuss how we navigated the tricky conversation that we had with our kids. Our approaches were very different but we found some common things that seemed to work, and some things that did not work so well.

Listen to the Episode Here



How to tell your kids your getting divorced

Paige -

  • Got no advice on how to talk to the kids.

  • Spur of the moment. Decided that morning.

  • Not all the kids were there. Just Jake and Rachel. Then she called Amanda.

  • Sat down together and told the kids together.

  • They told the kids the reason for the divorce. Separation for over a year.

  • What would you have changed?


Darren -

  • Got advice from a marriage counselor on how to talk to the kids about the divorce.

  • Planned how we were going to tell the kids for 4 months.

  • In the meantime I purchased a house down the street from the house we were renting at the time.

  • Told all of the kids at the same time.

  • Did not tell the kids why we were getting divorced.

  • Were legally separated for almost 5 months before telling the kids.

  • All the kids were talking to counselors before the divorce. They all had someone to talk to.

Tips:

  • BE CALM and not in a high emotional state. You need to make sure you are calm cool and collected.

  • Plan out what you are going to say.

  • Give the kids the opportunity to ask questions and time to.

What to do after you tell the kids

  • Show the kids that something has changed.

  • Where are people staying?

  • Getting help for your kids. Someone to talk to.

  • Try and set up a routine.

  • Try and do fun things with them.

  • Don't get a dog! Everyone does.

  • Being there for them.

Tips

  • It's about the children not about you.

  • Don't inject your anxiety into the situation.

  • What is the plan for the day after you tell the kids?

  • Are you still living in the same house?

  • What logistics are there?

  • Who pays for what?

  • What do the kids think we could have done differently.

  • Should you tell the kids why you got divorced?

Lemonade Moment of the Week

Darren & Paige take the kids to Hidden falls where they climb the falls and traverse through the river picking and eating blackberries. See the evidence of Darren climbing the falls last year.

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