Podcast 1:24 - Dealing with Alimony and Child Support
When people get divorces there is a huge financial explosion. All of the assets you have built together are now going to be exploded and divided. Not just two ways, lawyers will get their cut as well. But your financial obligation does not stop there, it is just the beginning. The emotions around money in a divorce, alimony, and child support are pretty raw. In this episode, we investigate those feelings and how to deal with them.
Divorce is Costly
Divorce is expensive. Especially if you have assets to divide, and if you are contesting child custody or alimony. Typical divorces cost $20,000 but can easily balloon to over $100,000.
Many couples find themselves in bankruptcy after a divorce or right before it is finalized.
The divorce is just the beginning for costs. You need to make the money that you have now pay for two homes, two sets of clothes, etc...
A good income just went to an ok income.
Everything you have been working for your whole life has been destroyed. Now divided to 4 parties. You, your ex, the lawyers, and the kids.
Courts do not want to make subjective rules on support. They default to a calculator as much as possible, based on your situation. Every state has a calculator. You can find them online.
Pay what the court mandates you have to pay. Not paying only gets you in trouble with the court and cost you so much more.
You may run into a problem with garnishment. Keep all of you returned checks or receipts when you pay child support or alimony.
Most states will garnish wages before evidence is brought forth.
Feeling of resentment
You may have feelings of resentment if you pay a large amount of child support or alimony to your ex.
When you work 60 hours a week and you see your ex buy a new car, or boat or go on a trip to Europe, you have a feeling that you paid for those things and how is that fair?
You need to get over it. I try to disconnect my paying child support to anything going in my Exes life. Even after several years it still stings sometimes.
The feeling of resentment can also occur with your spouse. Why do they get to go to Hawaii and we cannot afford it?
Be mindful of how you can cause resentment if you are receiving support are you bragging about your new car, trip, etc.. on Facebook?
Is that causing resentment to the one you are getting support from? You should not be friends with your ex on Facebook.
When you blend the families you need to work through who is working where etc...
When we got married Paige wanted to stay home with the little kids. But we were not sure we could afford it. That caused resentment because Darren makes a good living, but is now supporting two households.
Try your best to limit how much the lawyers get, by working with your ex.
You need a post divorce life budget. Your finances are very different now.
You should not be writing a personal check. Find ways to take the emotion out of it.
Setting up automatic payments if possible.
Keep the canceled check or proof of payment.
Don't expect an account of where the money is spent. No judge will require this.
Make it as business-like as possible. Make it a bill pay from your bank.Some states have payment options through the state website.
We pay through the state and we pay with our credit card and get points for Travel.
Consider it a tax or something that comes up automatically.
Lemonade Moment of the Week
Trip to San Fransisco with the kids takes forever to get there. Darren turns grumpy, Paige tries to make things fun.