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Podcast 1:25 - Friends and Divorce



Friends are yet another tricky subject in divorce. Who gets what friends after a divorce? Does your new spouse make friends with your friends? What happens if you are in the same social circles still? Are there people that want to be friends with both you and your ex? It gets complicated really fast.


In this episode, we talk about the pitfalls and traps and how to avoid them.




Who Gets the Friends in a Divorce

  • Cannot specify which friends go to who, in the divorce papers.

  • Moving to a new location is typically what happens for one of the people. So that problem is not common for everyone.

  • In our situation, Darren did not move, some friends had to take sides.

  • It will be hard to have a friend still be both of your friends. You have put them in the middle of your mess. Not fair. You need to let them go sometimes.

  • Sometimes you might lose a friend because "divorce is contagious". It is very hurtful. But you need to be understanding.

How to Make Friends in your Spouses Circle of Friends

  • Church Friends, Soccer mom friends, that you might have in common with your spouse's ex.

  • Three sets of friends.Your friends - Your exes friends - Friends with both parties.

  • Be respectful of your exes friends, boundaries are good.

  • Be understanding of your friends, they are trying to navigate the situation the best they can.Venting to a person might seem ok but who do they talk to and who talks to them. Word gets out very fast in a small community.

  • Be careful to only vent to one or two people who you can trust and know that they will not share what you have told them with anyone. Communicating with the friend network can be difficult.

  • When you travel in the same circles and have common friends make sure you are communicating really well with your ex, for your friend's sake.

Being Friends of a Divorced Couple

  • Both get invited to a party by the same person. Can be awkward and uncomfortable.

  • It can be hard to navigate communicating with a couple that has been divorced. We feel for you.

  • Don't get your feelings hurt if someone does not come to the party, lunch, or soccer game.

  • We have invited two couples that are exes, to a party just recently, without thinking about how it might affect them. Be supportive, try to understand that you cannot understand what they go through until you have gone through it.

  • Realize that all words spoken will go to the other side of the relationship. Be respectful and speak kind words.

  • If you are friends with both sides, you need to figure out who needs you at the moment.

Lemonade Moment of the week

At a wedding of Darren's niece, Paige accidentally wakes up Darren at 1:30 am in the morning trying to find her purse that she did not bring on the trip...


Links

https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-fam-divorce-contagious-0821-story.html

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