Podcast 1:28 - Identifying and Avoiding Toxic Behavior
Paige went to "Education Week" and attended several marriage relationship classes. In this episode, Paige talks to Darren about what she learned on how we can avoid toxic behavior in our relationship and strengthen our marriage.
Vision for your marriage. Good communication, and fun.
Risk factors and danger signs.
Conflict is not always bad.
Certain patterns of conflict are bad.
Escalation - Back and forth, negatively driven by defensiveness. The topic does not matter it matters how you discuss it
Invalidation - Partners put down the thoughts, feelings or characters of their partner
Negative interpretations - We assume our partner is just being mean. Give them the benefit of the doubt
Avoidance and withdrawal - One partner avoids talking about important issues, shuts down
How to stop or prevent danger signs
Couples don't know how to get out of an argument
Call time out
You have to bring it back up within 24 hours
A person that calls time out must call time in
In a time out get your mind off the fight. Watch a funny show, meditate, etc..Think what is behind your angry, 99% of the time it is hurt feelings
Do NOT spend the time out planning your attack on your partner or ruminating about them
Being effective is more important than being right
Cues of things going wrong
What are the cues that the conversation is about to go off the rails
Thinking that your spouse is ridiculous
Crying. Darren not as much as Paige
Most couples talk about important issues only when they are fighting about them
Hidden issues - unexpressed needs that fuel the conflict
How to talk about issues without turning it into a fight
When we are hurt we often act out with our gut, not our head
Lemonade moment of the Week
Dallin gets a job. One more kid graduated and gainfully employeed. Hurray!!!